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WHO? Oliver. oof San Francisco again, Brooklyn before, Atlanta & Chicago wayback. RECENT: who are you? scary I love life morning yoga astrology better? worse? unhealthy angst post-birthday yay me! TRAVELS: Biodiesel trip across America (January, 2005) Paris (April, 2005) Election work in NM (November, 2004) ARCHIVES: September 2007 August 2007 July 2007 May 2007 March 2007 February 2007 January 2007 December 2006 November 2006 October 2006 August 2006 July 2006 June 2006 May 2006 April 2006 March 2006 February 2006 January 2006 December 2005 November 2005 October 2005 September 2005 August 2005 July 2005 June 2005 May 2005 April 2005 March 2005 February 2005 January 2005 December 2004 November 2004 October 2004 September 2004 August 2004 July 2004 June 2004 May 2004 April 2004 March 2004 February 2004 January 2004 December 2003 November 2003 October 2003 August 2003 June 2003 LINKS TO PALS: elly Toshok Pete Tuggy Workstatus Nathan Express Train SEARCH: RSS: Get your RSS feed here |
« December 2003 |
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| February 2004 »
January 30, 2004 05:29 PMwho are you?Is+it+unhealthy+to+sleep+over+a+garage yes, that was a search.yahoo.com user. They came here. WTF. ha. the internet is funny. January 29, 2004 06:38 PMscaryLast night was supposed to be calm, and it most certainly wasn't. We slept peacefully, and without drama. Everything was ok. Then, I randomly woke up around 2/3am. I looked out the window, and swore there were huge sheets and strips of yellow and orange fabric blowing crazily up from a building in the distance. As sleep faded from my brain, I realised that it was on fire. A building two blocks away was billowing huge, story-tall, life-ending amounts of fire. This is, I can assure you, NOT a gentle, calm way to wake up in the middle of the night when you had hoped for just sleep. We sat there for a while, dumbfounded. Then I started to hear the chainsaws, the windows breaking, the axes crashing down, and the fire hoses spewing water. The smoke turned black, then white, and finally the lapping flames abated. I thought back to Tamara's fire and remembered the water. Oh, the fire sucked, but the water destroyed everything. I just started to shake, with the realization of how fragile we all are. I feel so much responsibilty for all the people in our house. *overwhelmed* I'm supposed to be calm, and together. How long can I keep this up? I don't know. </scared> January 26, 2004 08:26 PMI love lifethat is all. move along. nothing to see here. January 25, 2004 01:34 PMmorning yogamy happy yoga mat, surrounded by the red rug of the living room
But I digress. The deatils of yesterday were about communication and presence. Finally, walls were broken down again. Progress Was Made. Old ideas were re-examined, explored, discussed, and finally understood. There was the liberation of standing alone, accomplishing our own things, then the joy of caretaking. She came into her house with me chopping vegetables over the sink, food in the oven. Such a tender look on her face. Such acceptance. The pleasure of sitting still while she puttered in her room, happily showing me every piece of clothing, so caringly. Long talks until 4am. I love long talks. Why don't they happen every night? Cold walk home with a donut! teehee, donut. I am blessed. Twice in two days I've had *that* feeling. I feel so incredibly good that I don't know what to do with myself, and am forced to stop everything immediately, so as not to be ovewhelmed. It came with yoga this morning, and with her, just by being together, last night. nothing happened? January 21, 2004 02:55 PMastrologyOk. So, I have a new source of information and inspiration in my life these days, right? This coupled with the fact that I've been generally evolving my opinions and other inner emotions away from "science as only religion" over the last few years is really starting to scare me in good ways. I'm reading transits, talking about energy, believing in astrology, and considering a world-view greater than the scope of my understanding. This is a big change for me, and I'm embracing it, and then something happens. Something big, emotionally. I freak out totally. Panic. Mania. Neurosis. I can't stand up. I can't sit down. It's really bad. But the thing that really kicks my ass is that as I exit that state, I begin to understand. Really understand. Really get it. There's astrological explainations, related to the exact dates. It makes me understand why I was (am?) acting in was that are so unlike me, and so seemingly crazy. It grounds me, and makes me breathe deeply again. I feel alive, and that someone has explained me to me. it's all good. I hope there's not a day in the future when I look back and say "Oh, anyone can draw parallels from these archetypes in a book and some event in their lives." I'm sad because I feel it's very likely that this will happen as I look back at these halycon days of vegetarianism, passion and adventure. On a similar, but slightly different note: January 18, 2004 03:00 PMbetter? worse?which is it? January 17, 2004 10:28 AMunhealthyI feel physically unhealthy. lack of sleep comes with this thing. blech January 17, 2004 01:53 AMangstfucking caffeniated tea with sushi. my body hates me. My brain hates me. I hate everything. why do i fucking care? I don't do well not getting what I want. When did this happen? I don't /think/ I was a spoiled brat before. Do I just have so much invested in these results, these things that I'm unable to be rational? I can't be sane? Enjoying Massive Attack videos at least. January 15, 2004 12:37 PMpost-birthday
Attendees: no idea... 40? All I know at this point is that we started at Sala, saw Hey Tiger @ CBGBs, then went to Puck Fair. There was lots more drinking, and at some point, pete & tuggy managed to get me out of there, where I promptly fell over in the snow. Maybe numerous times. They got a cab, I think I stuck my head out the window and puked, and then I somehow stumbled up the stairs. Based on the disarray of the house, I seem to have gotten undressed as I came inside. One step, one article of clothing at a time. I didn't manage to get totally undressed, but I did manage to get into bed, so that's something! HOWEVER, I can not explain why, when egg woke up at 6am, the shower was on. January 14, 2004 10:05 AMyay me!I slept late. Geeked out. Opened presents from well meaning parents. Took a long hot shower. Finally washed my hair. I smell like me again. (well, mostly). Wearing #1 favorite shirt, DCFC peeking out from underneath. Lucky 7-11 socks. yeah. Just taking it easy. Breakfast at Naidre's. Journaling on the train is great again. The ftrain loves me and you. Today, I will (in the immortal words of grs) insist on a stress free day. Everything's going to be ok. January 14, 2004 01:11 AMbirthdayit's my birthday. wheee! sleepytime. January 13, 2004 01:39 PMmemoriesNow Playing: _Clarence Park_ by Chris Clark. *sigh* For a while, this album & Felix: _Miss Kitten & The Glitz_ were the only two CDs that I had with my old crappy Sony boom box in the garage of the old San Francisco House, also on 10th Street. (note to self: take photo. it's been to 4 burningmen, crossed the coutry, been a car stereo, filled a brooklyn kitchen with NPR, and generally served me well) It was a CD-R from Stephen, and I really think I went months where I didn't play a single other CD. Just this. I used to sit down there on Saturdays, either working on the Lincoln, cleaning the garage, or just generally goofing off. Every time I hear the glitch of Clarence Park, I think of the garage. There's just this euphoric tone in track 03 that reminds me of the cool, shady San Francisco afternoons, with sun shining down on Moraga, visible out of the garage door. There are many good things from then. I have learned much about who I am now. January 12, 2004 09:26 AMGood ThingsSo, today can be good! I started out missing my coffee-tea lounge-partner, but it all worked out well. Naidre's loved me, and took good care. I brought a carry-mug, and felt great about not wasting yet more paper coffee cups. Also, they had a vegan muffin! Yay! Good fortune on the train, plus new Oontz , including my new current favorite song (thank you KCRW) "Dream Machine." (yeah, it's soulful house, but give me a chance on this one track. just suspend pre-concieved notions. email for mp3) All this topped off my the nod from a knowing dready-rasta guy on the 5 train. things can be good. January 09, 2004 02:12 PMnotes from the asylumGosh, I really like my new blue jeans. They make me happy. Maybe I'm happy because I have cozywarm long johns on underneath them, though? Oh jeez, ignore everything I say today; I'm so cracked out. The only good reason for waking up in the back of a cab at 4:45am some random place in Brooklyn involves DRINKING, damnit, not working. blech. Also, I suppose this is as good a venue as any to announce that I've stopped eating meat. I'm still doing dairy/fish, but this whole thing is new to me. I'm constantly hungry, and never quite satiated. Actually, that's not right. It's more that I'm never satisfied. Like, I feel "full," and the aforementioned new jeans require unbuttoning, but I just don't feel done eating. The end result is that I eat CONSTANTLY. It's always snack time at my desk. heh. So far, only minor cravings for meat (eg: tasty pizza put in front of me) hummos hummos hummos last note: I'm working hard, and I think it's being noticed, which makes me very happy. January 09, 2004 01:17 AMbetter?ok, I had an apple, ate some cheese & crackers. things are better. Nice networking gurus made my CSS happier (no, that has nothing to do with style sheets), and my life better. However, it is 2am, and I've been at work since 9am today, with an ETA of 9:30am tomorrow (oh, today) morning. this weekend will involve MUCH sleep, and hopefully a date with a nice woman. January 09, 2004 01:17 AMsuckeverything sucks it's all bad. it's all broken. fuck January 06, 2004 08:49 AMdon't stop the trainYou know when something is so good, so right, so just perfect that you don't want it to stop, ever? Yeah, that was our subway ride this morning. All praise the f-train, and public cuddling. January 03, 2004 10:13 AMGreen BeachYesterday, an early start (before noon!), and a return to a very buggy beach from last year. This time, better winds, warmer waters, and generally a great beach. We floated, sat, read, ate, etc. General beach-goodness.
January 01, 2004 10:44 PM |
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